I’m wondering if there are degrees of forgiveness or possibly just consequential aftermath. Recently, a loved one asked me if I thought hurt feelings and disappointment were signs of unforgiveness or just human reaction to a betrayal. I’m really not sure. I know that resentment is definitely a sign, but I don’t think that forgiveness can always completely wipe the slate clean, especially emotionally.

Let’s say an alcoholic father was abusive to his children, but they forgave him when they became adults. Does not wanting him to be alone with his grandchildren or sometimes dreading family gatherings mean that they haven’t really been forgiven?

I think we can understand their human depravity, recognize our own shortcomings and choose to let go of the resentments, but still have residual feelings. A dog doesn’t hold a grudge, but even it is wise enough to flinch after being beaten repeatedly.

I once heard that forgiveness doesn’t mean that you are letting someone off the hook, but that you are putting them on God’s hook. He is the judge, not us. We have to surrender our hatred, fear, condemnation and other things that keep us in bondage so that we improve our relationship with God, not necessarily the other person. Forgiveness is more about our obedience to God, not our interaction with people. Forgiveness is more of a decision than a feeling.

Generally, I like to wrap blogs up with a nice little bow of wisdom God has shared with me, but truthfully, this is something I struggle with, too. When my husband tells me that certain people want to get together with us and I crinkle my nose for a second, does that mean I haven’t really forgiven them? I don’t know…what do you think?