Once again I find myself in the confusion of heartbreak. I have a whirlwind of emotions from anxiety to anger to sadness and back again. What do you do with all these feelings?
Who do you blame?
Me – for trusting again? Or maybe for staying?
Him – for being selfish? Or a sinner like me?
God – for allowing it to happen?
Today I wrote the poem below after reflecting on this paragraph from the May 31st devotion from “Utmost for His Highest”, which seemed to address these questions:
“Put trust in God first. Our Lord never put His trust in any person. Yet He was never suspicious, never bitter, and never lost hope for anyone, because He put His trust in God first. He trusted absolutely in what God’s grace could do for others. If I put my trust in human beings first, the end result will be my despair and hopelessness toward everyone. I will become bitter because I have insisted that people be what no person can ever be – absolutely perfect and right. Never trust anything in yourself or in anyone else, except the grace of God.”
When I Feel Betrayed
They say that the loved ones,
While possibly not addicted
Are suffering from bondage;
From all that’s been afflicted.
Though I’m not the target,
With heavy thoughts, my head does nod,
Because I feel so betrayed,
But the sin is against God.
The pain He feels deeply,
Because He always knows the cost,
But His empathy endures
Through His mercy for the lost.
Praying to see God’s heart,
Before my hope, despair, does kill;
And may I never blame God
For the choice of man’s free will.
“And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” Romans 5:5
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